One of the first things I ever knew about relationships, was not to go to sleep angry. Maybe a disagreement can take a couple of days to resolve, but you never go to sleep upset with your spouse, no matter what.
As a child of two people who didn’t practice this, I can promise you, the problem won’t go away overnight. Nor the next day, or the week after that. It is imperative the problem is addressed, and wants to be addressed by both people.
But I’m not so naive, as to not know, there are going to be times where I feel frustrated enough with my spouse I probably won’t even want to be in the same room with her, let alone the same bed. But, I also know this also isn’t an option I would give myself.
So, four or five years ago, whenever it was, I decided that no matter how angry I ever became with my significant other, I would leave my hand in the center of our bed. That way she could slip her own in mine, and she’d know that no argument could ever overshadow the commitment I made to her, or my promise to love her.
I call it the Otter Policy. When river otters sleep, they latch on to one another, that way while their bodies float over the flow of the river, they don’t drift away from one another. And anger itself is very much a river: constantly flowing, and can be anywhere from violent to silent. Anger can change a lot of things In the same way a river can separate two otters. When the time comes, I plan to hold on to my wife, so she knows no anger can ever cause us to drift away from one another. Insha’Allah.
The strong man is not the one who is strong in a fight, but the one who controls himself in anger. (Sahih Bukhari)
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